no matter

... no matter how much things get better i still have days where i wake up and feel like this.

and i know that know what i do i cannot for the life of me fix the day, it is completely ruined. && i feel like a train wreck.

the more these days occur the more i realize how bad off i really am, how i never wish anyone to feel the way i do.

Yeah ive been having good days. so many in fact i thought i was past a lot of this. but all it takes is one day.. one day
to slow me down and make me realize i still am me.

for this reason and this reason alone i am afraid of ever having a child. to create something that could inevitably feel the same way i do and have the same thoughts i do is even more depressing then the life i live now.

i try my hardest to stay positive but no matter what a single day always comes along once in a while where i feel completely wrong like everything i do and say upsets people or like i wake up in the morning and no matter how hard i try i can not seem to get up and accomplish anything. on these days all i can hope is to make it thru. and its hard. because you cant seem to explain exactly how your feeling inside no do you wish for the over sympathy from the ones you love. its just a bad state. and you want to sleep till you wake up and feel better.

its these days i wish nothing more than to hope no else has to ever feel the same way i do. and if i can prevent it... im all for it.